Subtle Signs of Control
Control leads to most of the smallest and the most dangerous symptoms of an unbalanced relationship. Besides, it is also the first sign of an unhealthy relationship. Such types do not initially announce very loudly the “manipulation” message. Perhaps it is a bizarre opinion about one of your friends or your partner being a bit upset because you made a plan on your own.
Maybe they are looking for a response to their messages right away, and get offended when you do not reply immediately. At the beginning, these things may look insignificant, but over time, they can become much larger and more dangerous to the control of the person’s area.
Emotional Instability and Black-and-White Thinking
Another warning sign is when someone moves from one extreme emotional state to another. In one moment, you could be flattered and in the next, put down, and this change is probably confusing and unpredictable. Such all-or-nothing thinking – that you are either good or bad with no middle ground – can make a person very anxious.
It’s particularly prevalent in relationships where one partner has intense insecurity or characteristics of borderline personality disorder. With time, this can mean you’re always second-guessing yourself, never able to quite get it right.
Manipulation and Gaslighting
Manipulation does not have to be overt. It may appear as lengthy silences when you’ve gotten under their skin, guilt trips, or theatrical apologies following a heated explosion.
One of the most hurtful types is gaslighting—when your partner makes you doubt your memory or your account of what has happened, or even apologizes for things that were not your fault. This can erode your confidence over time and make you feel lost, uncertain, and excessively responsible for their feelings.
Discomfort With Money and Autonomy
At other times, how money is managed in a relationship can expose underlying issues. Perhaps your partner wants to pay for everything, even when you offer to chip in—or perhaps they always want you to pay. Judging remarks about your spending, income, or financial decisions that leave you feeling judged or uneasy can be some of the first signs of an imbalance of power. These aspects may not look serious initially, but they can be components of a pattern that destroys your autonomy.
Walking on Eggshells and Fear of Conflict
If you catch yourself overthinking everything you say and do so that you don’t ruffle your partner’s feathers, something’s wrong. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them so that you don’t set them off into a bad mood, an argument, or a shutdown.
That tension has a way of building up over time and eroding your confidence. A healthy relationship should be safe, not walking through a minefield.
The Idealization-Devaluation Cycle
Some people begin relationships that feel like they’re almost too good to be true—full of praise, attention, and intense emotional connection. But once that high wears off, it gets replaced with criticism or coldness. You may swing from feeling as though you’re everything they’ve ever wanted to feeling like you’re always disappointing them. This back-and-forth between being lifted up and then knocked down can leave you feeling confused and exhausted, always trying to win back the love you started with.
Feeling Unsupported or Taken for Granted
In a good relationship, both individuals encourage each other. But if the love or attention of your partner vanishes the second you fail to meet their expectations—or if you find yourself constantly giving and never receiving—it’s an issue. You might start feeling like your contribution goes unnoticed, or as if you’re always working just to keep things level. That’s not the way love should feel.
Advice on How to Defend Yourself in Toxic Relationships
If you are seeing these behaviors in your relationship, please do take care of yourself in return. The first step should be not to blame yourself for something that you did not do. If your partner tries to blame his behavior on your ADHD, anxiety, or any other part of your life, then don’t accept it. You are allowed to leave a relationship that is hurting you, even if you tried your best to save it.
Avoid getting into arguments that keep going in circles. Use your instinct when dealing with these situations- feeling confused and frustrated is normal when something is not right. Above all, remember that you are the only one accountable for your actions and intentions. You are worth a relationship that makes you feel safe, loved, and respected.